Sprechen sie Deutsch?
by lrhaboggle
Summary: DSM loves to make fun of the Bellas to their faces in German. If only Kommissar knew that one of them understood her native language.


"Hope you enjoyed the car show!" Pieter laughed as he walked on by. He received no response from the sullen Americans.

"Don't worry Pieter!" Kommissar said loudly. " _They are just jealous that we are so much better than them! But I guess that's what happens when you put a mouse in charge of a group of losers_!"

"Ha ha! You are absolutely right, my friend! _They are nothing but a bunch of sewer fodder. They might as well save everyone some time and run back to the hidey-holes from where they have come from_!" Pieter agreed. The two exchanged cruel smirks with one another. They still received no response from the sullen and defeated American singers, but this time, they weren't expecting to. That was the best part about being multilingual! You could insult anyone and they would never truly know what you said, therefore, they wouldn't be able to make a comeback. Instead, they would only be able to stand there, looking angry and stupid, just like the Bellas were now.

"Ah well, auf wiedersehen, my little losers." Kommissar smirked, giving the Bellas a taunting wave. "Und auf wiedersehen to mein kleine maus!" she added, looking specifically at the Bellas' tiny leader. The leader met her eyes for a split second before looking away with an angry expression, but Kommissar could see the red tinting her cheeks and she gave a victorious smile before turning away to follow the rest of her team out of the dealership, leaving a very flustered mouse in her wake.

ooo

Kommissar and Pieter celebrated their Riff Off victory with a hearty dose of beer. A few sips into their drinks, however, Kommissar felt Pieter nudge her shoulder. She looked at him and he looked at her, flicking his head to the other side of the bar. Ah yes, the little Feisty Mouse was there. A grin lit up Kommissar's face as she thought of new ways to torment and fluster the poor, little, American singer. She really was quite cute, and her insult-compliments were something Kommissar enjoyed greatly. She turned back to Pieter who only needed that one look to know what she had in mind. He stood back, grinning eagerly as Kommissar approached the little troll. Another verbal beat down! Highlight of his day…

"Oh, poor little Barden Bellas," Kommissar sighed mockingly as she stepped closer to the miserable Bella.

"Just go away," she replied tiredly, too embarrassed by the defeat to even try to insult Kommissar.

"Come, now, don't get too down on yourself," Kommissar soothed. The brunette paused her sulking to meet Kommissar's sharp blue eyes. Kommissar saw disbelief mingled with hope in her brown eyes and Kommissar's gentle smile instantly turned back into its usual smirk. "Do not be surprised that you lost. We are the best," she finished. Behind her, Pieter began to laugh while the Bella's surprised expression returned to its previous irritation and unhappiness.

"Why don't you just use that pretty mouth of yours to drink your beer and shut up?" she grunted. Then her eyes widened. "Damnit." Kommissar, meanwhile, bellowed with laughter.

" _Ah! She really is a feisty mouse, isn't she_?" she began to address Pieter once again, reverting back to her native tongue.

" _She is! Although I would say it was more flirty, wouldn't you_?" Pieter replied, laughing as he walked over to her side, also speaking in German.

" _Yes! You're right_!" Kommissar agreed. " _It was a very bold remark indeed! Perhaps we should change her name to Flirty Mouse_!" then Kommissar turned her attention back to Beca, although she continued to speak only in German. " _You're very forward, aren't you, Mouse? But tell me, isn't there something else you'd rather my 'pretty mouth' do than just drink a beer_?"

This seductive remark from Kommissar earned a snicker from Pieter and absolute silence from the little Bella to which it had been directed at. Kommissar had expected this, though, of course, because she knew that little American Mouse would never understand German. This silence, this lack of a reply, was only proving that point perfectly! Kommissar took great pride in knowing that poor little Mouse had no idea what to say in response, not that any of her comebacks were particularly biting anyway… But even so…

" _She is just so cute_!" Kommissar began to speak to Pieter again. " _I could just eat her up_!"

" _You would do more than that, my friend_!" Pieter teased her right back, sneering at the Bella as he elbowed Kommissar playfully. But that was when the tiny mouse finally fought back. She may not have understood a word that was being said, but she could still tell that she was being bullied and she was finally trying to put an end to it.

"Look, why don't you guys just go rub your victory in someone else's faces, ok?!" she snapped. "And leave me alone!" but even though there had been genuine venom in her voice, it still didn't even faze Pieter or Kommissar. Instead, just like always, they only laughed.

" _She even sounds like a mouse_!" Pieter cried in delight, pointing at the poor little American.

" _But maybe she's right_ ," Kommissar agreed mockinly. " _We have far better company we could be in, after all_!" and then she gave the Bella one last teasing look before walking away, taking Pieter with her and leaving a very flustered mouse in her wake.

ooo

A few months later, the Barden Bellas had somehow defeated DSM at the World Championship for Acappella. Kommissar was slightly disappointed and annoyed that this tiny, pathetic, American team had defeated the mighty and beloved DSM, but Kommissar was not a sore loser. Instead, during the after-party, while her teammates were drinking and dancing through the Copenhagen hotel, Kommissar went to the Barden Bella Hall to congratulate them and to see her mouse again. She knew how she could still win a small part of the night…

The Bella Hall was easy to find because of the party décor. Kommissar smirked at the garish banners and balloons, then she walked over to one of the doors and knocked.

"What are you doing here?!" a ginger head came from the door and its owner glared up at her like they were still rivals.

"I just wish to speak with Feisty Mouse," Kommissar replied evenly, totally unbothered by this girl's open hostility. "I only wish to congratulate her on tonight's win!" she insisted. The ginger continued to glare at her warily, but she did finally cave. She turned away from the blond to holler back into the hotel room.

"Beca! Tall, hot, and German is here to see you!" she screamed. Kommissar raised an eyebrow, but she said nothing.

"What are you on about, Chloe?" a tired voice asked a moment later and Kommissar had to fight back a laugh. Her mouse, the Tiny Kicker of Ass, was in sky blue PJs that were covered in sleeping clouds. It was absolutely priceless!

Beca, meanwhile, paled at once when she realized what Chloe had said and who it was that had come knocking. She tried to take a step back into the room, but Chloe only pushed her out again with a wicked smirk. Then she proceeded to shut the door, make sure to slam it to illustrate how locked out Beca was going to be for at least the next 15 minutes.

"I want to congratulate you, Feisty Mouse," Kommissar said as the door shut, leaving Beca stuck in the hall with her. She let her eyelids lower lazily. Beca could only stare up at her, silent and open-mouthed. Kommissar mentally cheered at this because this was her victory. Knowing that she still flustered her mouse, even now, was her victory. Kommissar then spent the next few minutes doing her very best to fluster the girl in any way she could and weasel more accidental compliments from her. It was a suitable payment for losing the World Championship, she thought…

"Damnit." Beca finally sighed for about the 13th time that night. Kommissar was still grinning from ear to ear. She loved toying with the little American far too much to want to stop now. But Beca, on the other hand, was tired of being humiliated.

"Are you jealous?" she asked suddenly, growing surprisingly serious. "If this is your way of coping with loss, them I'm sorry you didn't believe that the Bellas would beat you all senseless. Why are you really here?" she sounded mad, but Kommissar liked the sudden change. She was a Feisty Mouse to be sure!

" _I'm just here to get in your head, Mouse_!" Kommissar replied, speaking in German, knowing that Beca couldn't translate.

"You've spent the entire year getting in my head!" she snapped. "When are you planning on leaving? Not that I want you to… Damnit!" Beca cursed herself as, yet again, a perfect insult was ruined by her own inability to see past the Kommissar's physically flawless appearance.

But for once, Kommissar had been genuinely knocked off guard by Beca and this accidental insult-compliment went right over her head.

"Wait, Feisty Mouse has understood me?" she asked, genuinely shocked, completely missing Beca's embarrassed frown at herself. But hearing the genuine shock in Kommissar's voice roused Beca from her self-admonishment.

"Yes?" she almost sounded uncertain now, so Kommissar quickly asked her another question.

" _Sprechen sie Deutsch_?" she asked, just to make certain she hadn't just imagined that the Bella had somehow understood her German.

" _Yes. I took German in high school and college both_ ," Beca replied, getting her bearings back first.

" _I did not know_ ," Kommissar grew defensive, embarrassed to think her private flirts and taunts hadn't been so private after all.

" _Well, that was kind of the point_ ," Beca smirked slightly and once again, Kommissar was genuinely caught off guard by her tiny American rival. This mouse really could be quite feisty at times!

"So then, you understood Pieter and I at the Car Show and the Riff Off?" Kommissar asked, in English again. Beca nodded, but a blush returned to her face as she remembered everything that Kommissar had ever said to her. Even the more sexual and flirty bits…

"Good," Kommissar muttered, and then it was her turn to gain her bearings, her more cocky and confident side finally returning to her once again. "Although I had not planned for you to understand what I was saying, I am glad to know that you did," she said, leaning in really close to Beca. Beca's face was now as red as Chloe's hair.

"Oh really?" she squeaked, trying to sound brave, but failing dismally. Her five seconds of bravado had vanished, leaving her in the dust once again. Kommissar was back on top once more. Now this was more like it! But the game was not over yet…

"Yes, really," Kommissar's voice was very low and seductive.

"And why is that, may I ask?" Beca gave another shot at trying to sound tough. It failed once again. It looked like her little confidence boost had just been all used up, and now she was back to the stuttering, stammering idiot of old.

"Because," Kommissar replied cheekily, reveling in being able to take her spotlight back from Beca. "I meant every. Single. Word." and then before Beca had time to respond, Kommissar lunged forward to kiss her. On the lips. Hard.

" _Scheiße_!" Beca gasped. Kommissar smirked to herself as she heard mouse's tiny squeak, and then she deepened the kiss even more…

" _Gutten nocht, maus_ ," Kommissar said, finally pulling away from the brunette and grinning at the little pout she received in return.

" _Schlaft gute_ ," came Beca's slightly unwilling reply. As much as it hurt to say, she already missed the feeling of Kommissar's lips… Damnit.

"Don't pout, meine maus. My room is 306, if you might need it," Kommissar gave Beca a very patronizing pat on the head before turning around to go. She exited the Bella hall, then, without another look back, returning to her own team and leaving a very flustered mouse in her wake.

 **AN: I've always liked the idea that Beca knew German (give her line in the first film) and I like the idea that DSM would bad-mouth the Bellas in German to their faces. Combining these headcanons led to this hilarity and I can so see it happening.**

 **Edit as of 8/15/19: For everyone's sake, I rewrote the German parts into italicized English. The only German words left in this fic are very basic words and phrases. I did this so I didn't have to rely on Google translate for my translations and so that readers could get through the entire fic without constantly checking the index.**

 **Here are the newer, simpler translations:**

 **Sprehen Sie Deutch?: Do you speak German?**

 **Scheiße: Shit**

 **Gutten Nocht: Goodnight**

 **Schlaft gute: Sleep well**

 **All the others should be relatively easy and obvious, like "auf** **wiedersehen" and "mein kleine maus"**

 **And remember, all the italics in this story are supposed to be German phrases. That should make this fic easier to read.**

 **(I know it's a late change, but better late than never. I was just skimming my old works when I decided to make this update. So here it is).**


End file.
